Charlie don't surf

But he thinks he should

In Pismo Beach

He won't stop

Till he does damage

Cause Charlie don't surf

But he thinks he should

In Rincon he shows up

Between hurricanes

And Iguanas

Charlie Don't surf

But he thinks he should

In Miami Beach

Between Cubano sandwiches

And flan

Just because he can

And Dudamel

Is the dude

At the Hollywood Bowl

With Classic Salsa

And Oscar D'Leon

Because George Michael

Beat His Meat

To Mexicans across from

The Beverly Hills Hotel

And Wild Palms

Above Trumpists and Ukrainians

Slava Ukraine!

And Beverly Hills Cops

At Café Roma

Waiting for the girls from Palm Springs

And the dry desert

And Joshua Trees

And Playing Paddies

And catholicism

In Los Angeles

Where English Actors

Eat potato salad

At Cantors

And drink expresso

At Eataly

In this Los Angeles

Of another fucking sunny day

On Mulholland

Above the Hollywood Hills

where we lose connections

in the canyons

And all the dead

In Hollywood Forever

Where Valentino

Is enshrined

And in Amara

In Pasadena

With Edgar Ramirez

Eating arepas

But the band Marches on

At the Malibu Colony

Because all the sunsets in LA

Are designed by Steely Dan

On satellite radio

Going west on sunset

To the beach

Or to LAX

Or to Mister Chow's

Or Fred Seagal's

Or Spago

Because we're team LA

And the turtles are always there

Up in the Hollywood reservoir

Because some three year old in first class

Dumped them in the lake

And they signed cover bands

That play at the Whisky

And the Troubador

Cover bands

Because the real deal is dead

And the cool kids are all out in the

Desert

Like pilgrims

Because the desert knows

That Charlie don't surf

Because it's only sand

All the way to Mexico

It should be illegal

To be this lit on first class

Above this land

Of feverish saints

Half wild and half-tamed

That roam this desert land

From Palm Springs to Sonoma

Via Santa Fe

Because LA beckons

You can clock out anytime

But you can't ever leave

This Hotel California.

Because the Mission Indians

Remember

That the Spanish did unspeakable things

Just because they could

Let's have a club sandwich

At the Chateau Marmont

Washed down with Veuve Clicquot

And a coffee

And pretend it was consensual

Otherwise Netflix will cancel you

Because you're not liberal enough

My boy

Cause Charlie don't surf

Cause he's been napalmed

By the USAF

Back when Santana Was Number one

And Charlie's Angels were carving up

Sharon Tate

In this LA

This Hotel California

Where homeless die on the streets

And mice eat you cars

From the inside out

In Hollywood

But we just live here

Under the sun

And Runyon Canyon

And talks of lucrative contracts

And sweat

Above the city

This LA

Will we ever be

Liberated

By Larry David

At Cantors

At midnight 

With potato salad

and lox bagels?

Because the Santa Ana Winds

Are mild but dominate

Your life

In this LA

On the way to

where?